Meh.

I'm here, I'm alive, everything, all the time.

The Familiar Birdsong

Wake up to the hoo-hoo hoo song of a bird I remembered from childhood. Like when I was 9, and would wake up on two recliners pushed together, while visiting my grandma, and lay there, early morning, listenining to the Warsaw traffic, the sounds of the school yard next door and that same bird. I noticed, my morning walk to school, that parts of Santa Barbara look a lot like Mokotów.

Silly

Eyes may be overrated, but I still miss staring deep into a pair.

How silly is it saying "No, thanks. I'm cool." As if you needed to convince yourself that you are.

Long day at work with no break because of a stupid company meeting. But a sudden urge to be more "customer oriented" and use the term "monetary value" has been instilled in my mind. Oh well, life is silly.

Dancing with my se-elf

Possibility of going to Poland for christmas gives me something to look forward to. I have to organise eferything. I'm not looking forward to severing ties with Santa Barbara, though. I have grown to like it. Though not enough to stay.

Self-promises of productive music making and practicing over spring break have not been kept. No matter. It looks like I haven't been chosen for the show. Listening to my piece a few days later, I'm not suprised. Oh well. I guess it will be a better show without me. Local peeps still should attend, Friday at six, I believe.

It's lonely here, in my World. Serenaded by the power supply hum, flourescent lights, a really fucking loud cricket, and my jukebox of a head. I long for that connection that can exist between two human beings. The absolute honesty, full vunerability, and ultimate trust. Sigh. I guess I always have. The few people with whom I felt like there were inklings of such a relationship are far away in their Worlds. We weren't ready. The time wasn't right. The time is never right. It is bedtime.