Cellophane
Why do I cling to you? Have I no needs of my own, nothing better to do? I’m like a puppy dog. Sure, I want to hang out, be with you, sleep over, fetch the ball. I know that we can’t be together again like before—that’s over—but I still need you. And want to be with you, be close, just caress your arm. I don’t expect anything to happen; I’m not supposed to. Expectations only limit my experience by focusing on some narcissistic future, they are not the way toward inner peace. Neither is possessiveness. Yet I want you to myself. Simply. Egoistically. I know that you love Him very much, and He loves you, and that someday you’ll be happy together. I still want you to myself. To keep and to hold and to smother.
Why should I care about saving the world when we could just lay in bed and eat those cool Japanese candies, and order take-out, and cuddle, and play video games, and watch classic movies, pull one another down, while 4,000 hungry children die per hour from starvation, while billions are spent on bombs. It’s systemic violence, what can I do about it?
When we’re together time just melts away: hours upon hours upon days of not doing anything. Go from school to work; you’re hungry; go home; watch you play; I’m hungry; go to sleep; go to school, to work. Homework can wait, bills can wait, housework will wait, studying can wait, creating an enlightened society should take a number.
My passion for you I’ve numbed. It was experiences and sensuality that drove us, but when you said that you had enough, I didn’t know how to take it. I understand, but my whole being yearns and aches for your caress. I felt indescribable. But, then again, I couldn’t describe my feelings for you before either, even though you were clear that you weren’t in love. I didn’t have your conviction, and should have listened to your warnings of capricious nature. I didn’t care about anything but my own emotional gratification. Now I cling to the leftovers of that relationship. Ignoring the pain by pretending that there is really something more between us. Even if it makes you uncomfortable. I’ll take your friendship and twist it as far as it will go. Fuck non-attachment, non-dualism, impermanence, and non-destructive behaviors. I don’t care if you don’t want me, cause I’m yours anyhow.
